


Once Upon A Time

by MinervaFan



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Broadway, Emotional Blackmail Leading to Massive Production Numbers, Gen, Love for Sondheim, Soft Zelda, Songfic(ish), Veiled References to Hilda's Past Career Choices, Wheedling Hilda, absurd situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 03:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20369938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinervaFan/pseuds/MinervaFan
Summary: The Show Must Go On. That is the first rule of the theater. And Substitute Director Hilda Spellman will stop at nothing to make sure the Baxter High production of Into The Woods goes off without a hitch, even if it means drafting an unwilling witch to play The Witch.





	Once Upon A Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).

> Written as a birthday fic for Jessica, who is pretty much as big a Broadway freak as I am. Veiled references to some of my other works, but this is a stand-alone piece set after S2.

_ Scene: Baxter High Auditorium. Four hours before curtain time. A crew of teenagers hustles about, adjusting lights and setting props for the first act. DOWNSTAGE LEFT, the young stage manager JESSICA is scribbling final instructions from the show’s director HILDA SPELLMAN onto a clipboard. _

“And I need you to run through the blocking on It Takes Two. Chip keeps missing his mark, and it’s throwing off Joanna’s lighting.”

“Of course, Miss Spellman, but we need to…”

Hilda pushed her spectacles up, resting them atop her blonde curls. “And you tell that boy if he upstages her during the actual performance, he’ll have to answer to me personally.” She tipped her glasses forward, allowing them to drop pointedly onto her nose. “And he does  _ not _ want that!”

Jessica nodded. “That’s good, but what about…”

“Oy, careful with that beanstalk!” Hilda yelled at a sophomore downstage. “Nobody wants a pre-chopped beanstalk.” She grinned at Jessica. “Oh, don’t worry, lamb. Just normal backstage drama.”

“Miss Spellman!” Jessica did not normally raise her voice, especially not with adults, but the director seemed incapable of accepting reality. “We  _ need _ to face facts. I don’t like it any more than you do, but we simply can’t….”

“Hold that, dear.” Hilda lifted herself on her toes, shielded her eyes and looked out into the house. “Zelda! Over here, love.” She sighed happily as the other woman made her way towards the stage.

“We  _ have _ to face reality, Hilda,” Jessica said firmly. “We have to tell them we can’t do the show.”

“Nonsense, love. The show must go on. That’s the first rule of the theater.” She kept her eye out as her sister approached the stage.

“I know I’ve never worked off-Broadway like you, Miss Spellman, but how are supposed to stage a production of  _ Into the Woods _ without a--”

“Without a  _ what _ ?” 

Jessica turned to see Miss Zelda Spellman, elegantly draped in what she prayed was faux fur, looking like a 40s femme fatale as she took her place beside her plumper, blonder sister. 

Hilda grinned. “WIthout a witch, Zelds. What this production is sorely missing….” She looked purposefully at her sister as if sizing up a particularly fine cut of meat. “Is a witch.”

_ Scene: HILDA and ZELDA SPELLMAN are in the dressing room. They have been joined by teens SABRINA SPELLMAN, ROS WALKER, and THEO PUTNAM. Costumes hang in movable racks, and there are several mirrored make-up stations stacked with cosmetics, wigs, and other paraphernalia. _

“You are out of your mind if you think I’m having anything to do with this fiasco,” Zelda said. She’d sat in front of one of the make-up mirrors and was carefully adjusting her lipstick. “Not a chance.”

Sabrina had dragged a chair next to her aunt, leaning forward as if she could change Zelda’s mind through mere proximity. “Auntie Zee, we are desperate.”

“Obviously.”

“We wouldn’t even be asking you if there were any other way,” Sabrina said. “Our witch was sideswiped this afternoon coming out of the Burger Barn drive through.”

Zelda sniffed. “And you argued when I said fast food was bad for your health.”

“Not funny. She could have been seriously hurt. I mean, she’s going to be okay, but there’s no way she can go on tonight.”

Hilda pulled up another chair, leaning in so her reflection joined Zelda’s in the mirror. “Poor lamb has a broken femur. Can’t dance with a broken femur, now can you, Zelds?”

Zelda raised an eyebrow. “Well, I may have never worked  _ Off-Broadway _ , like some people…” She cast an amused glance at her younger sister. “But even  _ I _ know that’s why they have understudies.”

Theo groaned. “Her understudy was in the passenger seat. Nearly choked to death on a straw drinking a double-chocolate shake.”

Zelda shuddered visibly at the image. “Well, why don’t one of you play the part?”

“Because they’ve  _ all _ got parts already, Zelda.” Hilda kept her voice soft, coaxing, full-on younger-sister-manipulation mode engaged. “Sabrina is Red Riding Hood, Theo is our Jack, and Rosalind is our Cinderella. They all have important parts.”

“And we only had one understudy,” Ros added in frustration. “And even then, she could barely remember the part.”

“Well, I say you have a problem.”

“Not a problem at all. You play the Witch. Our cover tale is that you did the part in a roadshow in the 90s….”

“And since our staging is based on the original play…” Sabrina inserted.

“And you obviously have a photographic memory…” Ros supplied.

“Nobody else could do this,” Theo added. “The part requires...requires…” He looked helplessly at the others.

“ _ Gravitas _ ,” Hilda said firmly. “Gravitas, and subtlety, and a wry sense of timing and humor.” She locked eyes with her sister in the mirror. “It’s a role you were  _ born _ to play.”

“Besides, Auntie Zee,” Sabrina said gently. “We’ve worked so hard on this. Some of the seniors? This is their last chance at a lead role before they graduate.”

Ros nodded. “Poor Joanna’s played nothing but secretaries and housekeepers since sophomore year. The Baker’s Wife is the first lead she’s ever gotten.”

“They’re all depending on us to make this happen, Zelds.” Hilda pulled out all the stops, using a longing, slightly adoring expression she’d perfected in childhood, complete with fluttering eyelashes. “Please, Zelda, you’re our last hope.”

Zelda look from one pair of pleading eyes to another then sighed. “Honestly, a hag?”

“Only in the first act. Then she becomes gorgeous.”

“Just like you….”

“I’ve got a copy of the script and score, plus Lisa’s rehearsal cape.” Hilda was already gathering the ingredients for the spell which would help Zelda learn the part magically. 

“There’s a lot of cape work in the choreography, so she used it in all the dance rehearsals…” Sabrina inserted. 

Even though Zelda had not formally accepted, the four were already hustling about, gathering various items, sharing the scheme they’d already apparently worked out amongst themselves.

“Sabrina and I will ‘help’ you with your costumes and makeup,” Ros said. “That’ll be your cover to do the glamours you need.”

“At the end of Act One, you do the transformation. We’ll still use the stage trick to get it done, no need tipping off the mortals.” Hilda put the script, score, and cape in Zelda’s lap. “A simple memory spell will get the songs and lines down for you  _ tout de suite, _ and you can use the rehearsal cape to as a tag to learn the choreography. Not that it was that complicated--most of the group numbers are just modified quadrille dancing, and you could teach  _ them _ about that, couldn’t you?”

“Hold on. Hold on!” Zelda’s voice cut through the chatter. “I have  _ not _ agreed to  _ anything _ .”

Four sets of puppy-dog eyes.

Four pairs of barely-wibbling lips.

“Dear Lilith, I’m going to regret this,” Zelda muttered as she turned back to the mirror. “How long do we have before curtain time?”

  
  


_ Scene: A small house owned by THE BAKER and his WIFE. THE WITCH, cursed as an ancient hag, is explaining through song why they are unable to conceive. _

“I should have laid a spell on him right there!

Should’ve turned him into stone..or a dog..or a chair…”

Zelda found herself enjoying the words as they flowed from her lips, even though she did feel her character might have been a tad overzealous in punishing the Baker’s father. Still, it was a fun song, and the audience seemed to be enjoying it.

“And I laid a little spell on them...you too, son.

That your family tree would always be a barren one!”

Cackling. A hag, cackling, on stage in front of an audience of mortals. Despite the cleverness of the lyrics, Zelda bristled at the negative stereotypes she was reinforcing.

“So, there’s no more fuss

And there’s no more scenes

And my garden thrives

You should see my nectarines.

But I’m telling you the same

I tell kings and queens:

Don’t ever, never, ever

Mess around with my greens.”

She cast a pointed look at the teen actors, who seemed to forget she was a supposedly mortal actress and not an actual curse-casting witch. With a grin, she finished.

“Especially the greens!”

_ Scene: RAPUNZEL has been found out by her mother, THE WITCH, who warns her against the dangers of the outside world. _

“Don’t you know what’s out there in the world?

Someone has to shield you from the world.

Stay with me.”

The young girl, despite the ridiculously long blonde wig, reminded her so much of Sabrina it was almost physically painful. Zelda sang gently, losing herself in the moment.

“Princes wait there in the world, it’s true.

Princes, yes, but wolves and humans too.

Stay at home. I am home.

Who out there could love you more than I?

What out there that I could not supply?

Stay with me.”

As she drew the young actress into an embrace, her eyes caught a glimpse of a scarlet cape in the wings. She held ‘Rapunzel” tightly, but her gaze never left Sabrina’s as she sang.

“Stay with me, the world is dark and wild.

Stay a child while you can be a child

With me.”

_ Scene: As the world falls apart around the villagers, the WITCH washes her hands of them all, handing them her very last curse. _

Hilda had not been lying about the cape work. Zelda reveled in the dance, tossing flares for emphasis as she sang her showstopper. It was a glorious song, full of anger and bitterness and defiance. She wondered as she had several times through the performance how much the show’s composer had actually known about the witching world. 

“Here you want a bean?

Have another bean.

Beans were made for making you rich.

Plant them and they soar.

Here, you want some more?

Listen to the roar,

Giants by the score!

Oh, well, you can blame another witch!”

The song felt like a spell to her, building on the character’s anger, building on the villagers’ terror. Zelda was transformed to a time long past when mortals still quaked in terror at the word ‘witch,’ back when a good hex could rid one of pesky neighbors or unwanted suitors. Back when witches were more than just a convenient plot device.

As she drew to the climax, she got a little carried away. She tossed the final bean with a fevered scream, and the explosion was just a little more intense than the propmaster had intended.

The look of terror in the face of the ‘villagers’ was not an act. She grinned wickedly as exited, stage right.

_ Scene: After several standing ovations, the cast has gathered at Spellman Mortuary for the cast party thrown by their director, Miss Spellman, and her family. _

“To the cast and crew of Baxter High Drama Department’s spring musical,  _ Into the Woods _ .” Hilda raised her red Solo cup in the air as she toasted the hard-working teens who had gathered around the fire pit. Music played loudly, and several of the kids were dancing and laughing. They cheered in response to her toast, but didn’t slow down their fun.

She turned to Zelda, who had a small glass of whiskey in her hands. “And to our hero, Zelda Spellman, who really pulled it through at the last minute.” In a softer voice, she added, “Thanks, Zelds. It really meant a lot.”

Zelda took a puff of her cigarette. “Don’t assume I’ll be there to pull you out of the fire every time, Hildegard.”

“Well, we are looking forward to the fall musical,” Hilda said with a laugh.

“Hilda! You said this was a one-time thing. That you were just pitching in as director for Mrs. Anders while she was on maternity leave.”

“Well, yeah,” Hilda said, sipping on her drink. “About that…”

Zelda was unsure what exactly was in the punch, but given the rosy tint on her sister’s cheeks, she was pretty sure she’d have to be extra careful to monitor the teenagers’ consumption. “Hilda…”

“I actually enjoyed directing. It was fun. And given my theatrical experience…”

“You were a seamstress for a second rate vaudeville company, Hilda, back when you were still following around that cross-dressing minstrel…”

“I’ve told you a thousand times, Charles was a transgender man  _ and _ a legitimate actor!”

Zelda laughed. “ _ Hardly _ working ‘Off-Broadway,’ as you told that stage director.”

“ _ Anyway _ ,” Hilda continued as if she hadn’t heard. “I think you would make  _ fantastic _ Mother Superior in  _ The Sound of Music. _ How would you feel about working in a nun’s habit?”

Zelda glared at her as Hilda started laughing hysterically at her own joke. Yes, the punch was definitely spiked. “Try it, and you’re going to be  _ begging _ for the Cain Pit, sister.”

Hilda laughed, kissing her on the head. “I love you, Zelds. Thanks again for everything.”

Zelda squeezed her hand, shooting her a knowing look. “You bring up The Sound of Music one more time, Hilda….” She stomped her foot with a fierce grin. “BOOM.” Then she purred. “Squish.”

The End

  
  



End file.
